Why Is It Always About Men?

As the title asks: Why is it always about men? I had a conversation with a friend the other day regarding marriage equality and I was reminded yet again, the opposition is always talking about the men and hardly says two words about the women. Today I think I’ve come up with a possible answer: Fear.

Insecure straight men are afraid of losing some imagined position of superiority. That somehow being male makes them automatically better than someone who is female. That’s why you see them tease each other with things like “suck it up! stop acting like a girl” as if being like a girl is something negative. I think one of the reasons gay men and straight women usually get along so well is because many gay men embrace the feminine. They are often inspired by it and many find their role models amongst strong famous women in history. On the flip side straight women find novelty in interaction with a male, often for the first time, where they are made to feel empowered, of equal worth, and not coddled or treated as weak.

Lesbians on the other hand get the short end of the stick. When it comes to laws regarding equality they are often forgotten and sidelined. Because they are women, what they do doesn’t “matter” as much as what gay men do. Gay men are seen as a threat to the masculine lie that male is better than female. Also lesbians do not typically enjoy the same type of easy relationship with their straight male counterparts as gay men do with straight women. At least not as frequently as gay men and straight women tend to. 

The insecure straight man can’t accept the existence of a female who is “as much of a man” as he is. He can’t see her as “equal” to him like the gay man sees the straight woman. The very notion just doesn’t compute.  In the broader context of society that is why I believe the issue of marriage equality always focuses on the men. Insecure straight men see gay men as “traitors” to the gender, that weaken men as a whole by embracing the feminine because they perceive females as weaker and less than. The lesbians, being female, just aren’t important enough to focus on. If she’s pretty she should be wooed or dominated to prove his superiority. If she’s masculine she should be shunned and ignored.

I know plenty of secure straight men. They don’t care one way or the other about marriage equality except that everyone should be treated equally. Live and let live. But I think women need to make some strides in stopping the perpetuation of the notion that female means “weaker” or “lesser”.  I personally think women are wonderful and worthwhile role models. So if someone says I’m acting like a girl all I have to say to them is: “Thanks!”