As the title asks: Why is it always about men? I had a
conversation with a friend the other day regarding marriage equality and I was
reminded yet again, the opposition is always talking about the men and hardly says
two words about the women. Today I think I’ve come up with a possible answer: Fear.
Insecure straight men are afraid of losing some imagined
position of superiority. That somehow being male makes them automatically
better than someone who is female. That’s why you see them tease each other
with things like “suck it up! stop acting like a girl” as if being like a girl
is something negative. I think one of the reasons gay men and straight women usually
get along so well is because many gay men embrace the feminine. They are often
inspired by it and many find their role models amongst strong famous women in
history. On the flip side straight women find novelty in interaction with a
male, often for the first time, where they are made to feel empowered, of equal
worth, and not coddled or treated as weak.
Lesbians on the other hand get the short end of the stick.
When it comes to laws regarding equality they are often forgotten and
sidelined. Because they are women, what they do doesn’t “matter” as much as
what gay men do. Gay men are seen as a threat to the masculine lie that male is
better than female. Also lesbians do not typically enjoy the same type of easy
relationship with their straight male counterparts as gay men do with straight
women. At least not as frequently as gay men and straight women tend to.
The insecure straight man can’t accept the existence of a
female who is “as much of a man” as he is. He can’t see her as “equal” to him
like the gay man sees the straight woman. The very notion just doesn’t compute.
In the broader context of society that
is why I believe the issue of marriage equality always focuses on the men.
Insecure straight men see gay men as “traitors” to the gender, that weaken men
as a whole by embracing the feminine because they perceive females as weaker
and less than. The lesbians, being female, just aren’t important enough to
focus on. If she’s pretty she should be wooed or dominated to prove his
superiority. If she’s masculine she should be shunned and ignored.
I know plenty of secure straight men. They don’t care one
way or the other about marriage equality except that everyone should be treated
equally. Live and let live. But I think women need to make some strides in
stopping the perpetuation of the notion that female means “weaker” or “lesser”. I personally think women are wonderful and worthwhile
role models. So if someone says I’m acting like a girl all I have to say to them
is: “Thanks!”
