For The People, By The People, And Maybe Me Too!

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

These are the very first words of the U.S. Constitution.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

This is probably the most memorable line from the U.S. Declaration of Independence.

This was originally going to be a more ranty negative toned blog but last night the New York Senate showed me that at least some people in government positions believe those passages apply to me too. I honestly wasn’t expecting it, but they actually made it legal for me to get married in New York.  This historic vote will actually double the number of people in the entire United States living in states with marriage equality. Last night a friend said he thought I had an even lower opinion of humanity than he did. I told him it wasn’t like that. I told him I have such an idealized notion of how GREAT humanity can be… but they always let me down and disappoint me. But not this time! This time they got something right! And yes that's the empire state building lit up like a rainbow last night to commemorate this moment in time.                                    

Every day I see political parties and religious fanatics playing volley ball with our lives, and make no mistake they are really playing with ALL OUR LIVES like toys. I always thought our government, both political parties, was supposed to work together to make our lives better. Instead what I usually see is a back and forth battle between two parties with religious nut jobs sticking their nose in and wasting tons of time and money and getting very little done. It’s a shame that it is even a question of whether or not everyone, regardless of difference, should be treated equally. I hope I can continue to see more and more states realize that it’s wrong to discriminate against any citizen of our country. It just baffles me that anyone who purports to work “for the people” would ever actively work to limit my rights? Am I not “the people” too? Do my tax dollars somehow have less value than other citizens? Why do they take from me just to appease the other guy? He loses nothing by me having equal rights and all he gains by me not having them is a sense of superiority. Thankfully the New York Senate had enough fair minded individuals to let justice actually shine. At least I am counted as “the people” to some folks in government and this makes me happy.

I understand that many religious people interpret their bible to say I am somehow evil or some nonsense but the fact of the matter is that this is a nation of mixed ethnicity, religion and orientation. I urge anyone who has difficulties reconciling their religious beliefs with their desire to accept those different from themselves to READ THIS and maybe be a little more educated about what the bible is REALLY talking about. You can also visit this site and see what other people who have come to terms with their religion and homosexuality have to say. That said, no matter what the bible says or doesn’t say it should not have a place in determining my rights as a citizen of this country. Not everyone is a Christian, not everyone believes the same things, and because of that the government has a responsibility to protect me and my “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” even if they personally don’t approve of me. New York is now the 6^th state in our country that agrees.

For those of you reading, especially my religious friends and family members, keep in mind how you vote. It affects me personally. Please don’t support any political figure (Republican or Democrat) who actively or passively works to deny me (or any other minority for that matter) equal treatment under the law or deny me rights because I am different. The world is a hard enough place as it is without any of us actively trying to make it worse for others. Those of you who know me know I am a good person, a friend, a cousin, a nephew, someone you grew up with. There are more “me’s” out there, someone's family member or friend, whose lives are affected by your decisions. Please think about that the next time you vote. You don’t have to like me or approve of me… but please respect me as a citizen of this country and as a human being. Please don’t vote to take away my right to “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

A Person Is Judged By The Company They Keep

So I wanted this week’s blog to be about people. Specifically, the people who have had an impact on my life in great and small ways. I’ve met many people over the years. Some were acquaintances or friends of friends while others are still a part of my life today. Looking back at the list I’d have to say I’ve met a variety of interesting people and each of them has had a part to play in shaping who I am. Obviously I can’t go on about every single person who has touched my life or else this would end up being a novel length blog post but I wanted to highlight at least a few.

It seems the first place to begin would be with family. I’ve been blessed with a very close and loving family and my mother holds the top honor among all the people who have shaped my life. She’s the one who has been my foundation and supported me through everything that has ever happened in my life. I’ve always admired her unstoppable drive and limitless love she has always shown me. She’s the example I could only hope to come to close to living up to. My mom has always been responsible and has an incredible work ethic. On the flip side she’s shown compassion, understanding and flexibility in dealing with situations which is probably the main reason my life has been as good as it has been. Backing my mother up are her brother and sister, my Uncle Mike and Aunt Gail, and their families, who have played a huge role in my life both directly through my experiences with them and the things they have taught me but also indirectly by being supportive of my mother throughout our lives.

I was lucky. Not a single person in my family has ever had anything disparaging to say about me being gay. If anyone had a problem with it they never let it show and never let it stop them from loving me and supporting me. That’s a gift not all gay people are fortunate enough to have and I am thankful every day for it. I feel confident that anyone in my family would be there to help me if I was in need and they had the means to do something. That kind of security that my family provides helps make each day a little less scary. Knowing that this group of loving, caring people have my back is probably the main thing that has kept me somewhat together over the years.

Moving on to the friends, there have been many over the years. Some closer than others, but all of them appreciated. The three R’s are the first that come to mind for me. Ree, Rick and Ron. Ree is like my soul mate. If I were a straight guy and she were a straight girl I think we’d have been an amazing couple personality-wise. With Ree words are optional. She and I could always just look at each other and have a conversation or laugh about something without a word between us and yet we both knew what was going on. I’ve never had a connection with anyone like that and no matter how many years or miles separate us she’ll always be special to me. Rick was the source of laughter, a commodity I desperately needed through the tough times. He had such a great sense of humor and was so responsible and irresponsible at the same time it made him very endearing. Unfortunately, our friendship hit a rough patch several years ago, and it isn’t as strong as it once was. Still, I count him as a friend and I wouldn’t trade any moment we shared for anything. Finally there’s Ron. Ron was like this piece I didn’t know was missing in my relationship with Ree. The three of us just seemed to “enhance” each other somehow. I told Ron I loved him the day I met him. Not “in love” just “love”. I don’t know how I knew… but I just knew that this person I had just met was going to be a friend for a long time. And to this day even though miles and years are between us, we still talk and I still value him as a true friend.

Not to be outshone, going back before the three R’s there were my childhood friends. Tony, Jamard, Jason, Landy, Sharika and Geran. To say they were just my old D&D buddies would be a disservice. These were people who shaped me during some of my most formative years. They are people I laughed with, cried with, and learned several valuable lessons about life. Tony was the first. A childhood friend whose mom was friends with my mom and who I am proud to say turned out to be a great adult, husband and father. Through Tony I met the others. Jason who introduced me to anime (yea HE’s the one who exposed me to Legend of the Overfiend :P) , Jamard, who keeps tabs on me to make sure I’m still a part of the world, Landy, who always appreciated my music, Sharika, Landy’s partner in crime he he, and the ever lovable and handsome Geran. This core little group provided me my very first social network as a child and young adult. They were people who accepted me eccentricities and all.

Moving to the present my social network is maintained by the internet due to my health issues. Through online gaming I’ve met some extraordinary people that I definitely consider friends. These are people who’ve made me laugh, listened to me lament the negatives in my life, and generally supported me despite my weirdness. There’s Miru, who reminds me very much of Rick. He makes me laugh constantly with his unique type of humor. He’s a source of joy in my life that I am very grateful for. There’s Nemo who prefer to remain mysterious. He doesn’t let us know much about him in the real world but I instinctively trust him. He’s intelligent and always makes you think when you ask him a question. I’d like to know more about him but he prefers his anonymity. Then we have Renee’ who is both witty and funny and it turns out has more in common with me than I originally thought :P . And last but not least Fea who takes the time to put together fun things for us to do and adds to the joviality of our gaming sessions. My gaming friends make up the bulk of my socializing these days and I glad to have them. While not a friend I made gaming, but someone I share my gaming with, I have Joseph who, like Jamard, is someone who keeps me connected to the rest of the world and appreciates me weirdness and all.

There’s been tons of other people I haven’t mentioned who have had tremendous impact on my life but as I said in the beginning I just can’t list them all and talk about each of them. Suffice it to say I’d like to think that every single one of them has touched my life in a significant way and I think for the most part I met and befriended some high quality people over my years. It’s these friends that give me hope for the world. These are the people I am hoping there are more of out there so that one day the world is filled with good, funny, caring people like them.

The Only Choice I Ever Had...

So recently I was reading an article that just really shocked me. Hate groups like the American Family Association,  Focus on The Family, Family Research Council (I’m seeing a theme here… Don’t let the names fool you. There’s nothing “family” oriented about these people.), still propagate the myth that being gay is a choice, that children are somehow recruited to be gay, and that sexual orientation can be changed. As ludicrous as all that sounds there are still people out there who honestly believe this nonsense. What’s worse these people have the audacity to try and tell me that I don’t know what I am talking about even though I am the one who has lived my life and these are my feelings.

Let’s just clear the air here. First and foremost, at no point in my childhood was I ever “recruited” or “indoctrinated” into any “lifestyle”.  I didn’t even have a proper definition of “homosexual” till I came out. Here’s a little story. When I was growing up I was pretty sheltered. I didn’t really encounter the words “gay” or “homosexual” until I was in my teens and even then my understanding of the words was so vague I didn’t really think they applied to me. I was under the impression that a homosexual was a guy that wanted to be a girl and I knew that wasn’t me. I was, and still am, quite happy being male thank you very much.  I remember though that I never really had a physical or emotional attraction to girls. In fact I liked some of the same things they did… which ended up including boys when I was around 14-15.  

There were people in my family that knew I was gay before I did. My mom, my god mother, some family friends… Of course no one said anything till I came out. Does that sound like “indoctrination” or “recruitment” to you? These hate groups would have society believe that “because homosexuals cannot reproduce they must recruit to swell their ranks” like we’re some sort of military group or something. They refuse to even entertain the idea that sexual orientation is biologically determined because that basic truth completely pulls the foundation for their hate out from under them. Not that it’s a solid foundation to begin with. I mean just because I am different than you that means you have the right to make my life miserable? To waste time and money working to ensure I am not treated equally by the law and society? Yea that’s some “family values” right there. Instead of spending that manpower and money on feeding the hungry, helping the homeless and ensuring people who need medical care have it, they instead use those resources to make sure I can’t get married, that bullies can continue to make the lives of folks like me so miserable we contemplate suicide. You know it’s funny… these same people are anti-abortion, but they feel no complicity in the suicide of the very children they fought to save at birth once it turns out they are gay. Personally I feel every single one of these people is a murderer and has the blood of every gay teen who has ever committed suicide on their hands. If not for their continuous barrage of lies, propaganda and bigotry those kids wouldn’t have felt so without hope that they had no way out but to kill themselves.

The whole notion that gay people are “recruited” is a joke. Recruited how? I didn’t get a free toaster the first time I kissed a boy. I don’t have a Costco lifetime membership because I’m gay. Where’s the incentive? Oh that’s right… the incentive is I get to be treated like I’m less than human, I get to have my home vandalized and burned to the ground, I get to have a childhood/young adulthood filled with emotional trauma that lead to my suicide. I've gotten recruitment pitches from Catholics, republicans, democrats, Jehovah's Witnesses, and the army; but never from gay people. These people who are so terribly afraid of us just can’t wrap their head around the fact that me being gay isn’t just about sex! Me being gay is about how my brain is wired. The typical straight guy past puberty is going to be excited by boobs. I’m just not. All the boobs in the world aren’t going to get me excited I’m sorry! But seeing a handsome man? Maybe with some nice abs and biceps? Yea that will make me smile. But it goes deeper than that. I cannot form a romantic emotional bond with a female. I am simply not designed to do that. I can’t fall in love with a girl. Those religious right wing nut jobs will tell you otherwise but they aren’t me. They don’t feel what I feel. Only I know how I feel. Only I have the right to speak on what is and isn’t about me.

When I was a young teen I noticed boys much the same way the young teen girls did. I also knew I wasn’t like other guys who were noticing girls at that age. I didn’t make a point of announcing it to anyone but because I was quiet and not into “cool” things I got bullied and called gay and homo and what not. It wasn’t until I was 16 when I had a discussion with a friend of my god mother’s and he asked me “So when did you know you were gay?” did I realize that was what I was. My reply to him incidentally was “Uh… just recently actually”. Recently as in that very moment! And as I explored this strange new world I found friends like myself, people who went through what I was going through. Not once did I ever see anything remotely resembling “recruitment”. At 17 I came out in my senior year of High School. I rode the high of empowerment I had because the bullies’ words didn’t hurt me anymore. When someone called me a “fag” I replied “Yea? And?”. I embraced who I was instead of hiding it or being ashamed of it. I became a healthier person because of it. If other gay kids weren’t harassed for being who they are then maybe they’d stop killing themselves in a desperate attempt to escape the horror they are going through every day at the hands of the so-called “good family value instilling religious nut jobs.”

So in closing, the only choice I ever had, that any gay person ever has, is whether or not to be honest with myself and those around me. My mother always taught me that honesty was the best policy. What do you know Mom was right again! If any of you reading this ever had any confusion or doubt over this issue take it from me a genuine homo, there’s no recruitment, there’s no incentive, and I guarantee you that if they ever determine the exact biological causes of homosexuality, the right wing nut jobs will be scrambling to find a way to “fix” us and change us to make us like them. But you know what? I don’t want to be like them. To me they are a sickness, a disease, the very cause of ruin in our nation. Not because they are straight, I have tons of really awesome straight friends, but because they are so filled with hate for anyone who doesn’t conform to what THEY think is the right way to be. I hope any of you who read this will never be like those people. You don’t have to like me or what I do… but please respect me as a fellow human being and respect my right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My only choice is whether or not to lie to you. I choose to tell you the truth.

Jem, Xena, Sailor Moon and Everything In Between!

Well a friend of mine said the last blog wasn’t as light hearted as they expected and that I owed something a little more upbeat. To live up to that this week’s blog is about many of the things (toys, cartoons, etc) I enjoyed over the years from childhood to now! And please bear with me. There’s going to be a lot of “no wonder you’re gay!” moments here.

Being a child of the 80’s was a lucky thing in my opinion. The 80’s had such fun stuff, both toys and cartoons. I think the very first memorable toy I can recall was Pink N’ Pretty Barbie. It belonged to a childhood friend of mine but I always wanted to play with it. Though I wasn’t always about girl toys when I was little. There was a time I was into Star Wars and I had a Millennium Falcon which for some reason I would play with in the bath… needless to say this sort of treatment didn’t make for a lasting Star Wars collection. I am sure it’s no surprise though that my favorite Star Wars figure was Princess Leia. Then there was the Transformers era. I think my favorite was Optimus Prime cause his trailer turned into this neat lil weapons platform thing. After that began the whole Masters of the Universe phase. My mother can tell you how many Castle Greyskulls she bought me over the years to replace previous ones that fell apart due to wear and tear. I mean I took these things outside, dirt got in ‘em, they got banged around when being carried places, you name it. Of course the homo-tendencies showed up again with She-Ra! And yes I had the Crystal Castle too…

In my early teens I discovered Dungeons & Dragons which really was a great game to play socially. I always looked forward to the weekend overnight gaming sessions with snacks and jokes and just generally good times. I’m still close with my gaming buddies to this day! My all time favorite character was Kyriani a half-elven mage. I’ve gone by the name Kyriani in online circles ever since and in most video games I’ve played she’s appeared in some incarnation. Of course that was also the era of Nintendo! For me it was this amazing thing to have a video game console in your home. Kids today probably don’t appreciate just how much they have today compared to back then. Games of that era that stand out were Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy and the obligatory Super Mario Brothers games.

Toys aside, there were also awesome shows one of the most notable being Jem and the Holograms! To this day I still listen to music from the show. Of course now it’s as mp3’s on my computer and not cassette tapes. I was heartbroken in 1988 when the show went off the air and I still have every episode on dvd. I also have a Glitter N’ Gold Jem doll still in the original packaging in storage. A little piece of the past I’ve held on to. He-Man and She-Ra also monopolized much of my TV watching during those days. Though watching those shows now I kind of cringe at how cliché and simplistic the dialogue could be at times lol. As I got older and drifted away from my previous interests others soon filled the gaps. Shows like The Nanny and Xena Warrior Princess became the new hotness for me. The Nanny was really the perfect show for me back then. She was always looking for love and didn’t manage to catch it till the end of the series. Then with Xena, which always makes me think of my friend Ree, you had that unspoken, teasing lesbian romance between Gabrielle and Xena which was just fun to watch.

I think around when I was 20 or so is when I discovered Sailor Moon. As funny as it may sound that was a transformative discovery for me and I still hold the show in fond regard. It all happened after a really bad night out. I don’t remember the details to be honest but I remember I was upset about something that had happened. I couldn’t sleep when I got home that night I was just sobbing. Then 6am rolled around and I turned on the TV and there was this blonde girl with long pig tails making me laugh my ass off! As horrible as I was feeling, Sailor Moon made me feel better and thus I threw myself head first into the show and merchandise. I even got other friends into it. I had t-shirts, toys, I even had an imported backpack which is still in my closet. Sailor Moon was always a “feel good” show for me to watch. I related very much with the main character Serena. Sailor Moon was another girl trying to find love and having a hard time of it which is why I probably relate… that and she had a big sweet tooth and was often whiny.

Today my entertainment consists of online games like World of Warcraft and City of Heroes which, considering my condition, give me a social outlet to engage in and keep contact with friends. Offline games I’ve found to be wonderful entertainment include Dragon Age, Dragon Age 2 and the remake of Final Fantasy IV for the Nintendo DS. I haven’t had much luck with tv shows though. They keep canceling the ones I like after 1 or 2 seasons! But ones that are still going include: Glee, Fringe, Bones, True Blood, Vampire Diaries, Being Erica, Being Human, Haven, and probably a few others I can’t think of currently. So that’s this weeks blog and now you know a little bit about the things I’ve been interested in over the years!