Be The Change You Want To See In The World

So yea… the title of this blog post isn’t anywhere near original but it makes for a great overview of this week’s topic. Among the many things I occupy my time with, one thing I enjoy very much is seeing people build for a better future. Solar and wind power, rain collection, composting or incinerating toilets… yea I sound like a hippy eh? But if you really stop to think about it, we have the power to change the world. Is it easy to do? No of course not, but if more people made the effort we’d be in a better place.

One of the big topics for years has been our reliance on oil. The thing is… we don’t need it really. With electric cars becoming more and more accessible and affordable, oil companies are dinosaurs on their last legs in my opinion. If it were me running those oil companies I’d be making ready to get out of the oil business and in to the renewable resource business because like it or not that is where we are heading. Eventually we won’t have gas stations, we’ll have charging stations. Natural resources like oil and natural gas just can’t and shouldn’t be relied on anymore.

Another thing that bugs me is that whole antiquated notion of “bigger is better”. In fact I believe the opposite is true. I’d rather have a small high quality home built to my taste than some massive Mc Mansion clone. It’s just extra space I’d have to clean and probably wouldn’t use much of. Did you know big companies lobbied to make sure we pay more than we have to for a home? The following is an excerpt from an article I read on the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company website on just that! 

“Laws dictating how small our homes can be were introduced back in the 70’s and 80’s by lobbyists from the housing industry. It had become clear that, as the number of houses being sold by the industry leveled off, fiscal growth would remain possible only so long as the size of their product was increased. Size restrictions were thus written into building code at the federal level and adopted by municipalities throughout the US. Banks quickly followed suit by providing loans only for houses large enough to warrant the cost of the land on which they would sit. Local zoning, in turn, ensured exorbitant land costs by generally demanding that each little house sit on a parcel no smaller than one required for a large structure. It is now literally illegal to build a new small home in most populated areas of the United States. And, even if it weren’t, financing the construction of such a dwelling would still be all but impossible.”

Now tell me that isn’t a kick in the pants? You’re basically forced to pay for more house and/or land than you need just to pad the pockets of someone else. And people wonder why the housing industry went belly up. In any case, as I mentioned it before, the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company is this great company that makes tiny houses on trailers. That lets them sidestep all the bullshit laws we are currently governed by. Not only are these houses adorable, but they are environmentally friendly! Speaking of environmentally friendly… This is my dream house, the Zero House. The Zero House is an amazing structure that has 650 sq.ft. net usable interior area. 250 sq.ft. covered exterior decks and costs roughly $350,000. Now most people will tell you it’s not worth that price due to the square footage. RUBBISH I say! The Zero House is completely self contained and provides all its own utilities! Solar panels provide enough power that when fully charged you could go up to a week with no sunlight at all and it has its own cistern to collect rain water to filter and provide to the home. It even has a composting system for the toilet that only needs to be emptied once every 6 months. You would never have to pay for electricity, water or sewer ever again! I firmly believe ALL homes should be built to this standard! Check it out!

Some people have even taken plans bought from the Tumbleweed Tiny House Company and built it themselves from mostly recycled materials providing a home for themselves at a fraction of the cost of most homes today. And if you visit the site and see these homes you might say “I couldn’t live in something that small”. But you know what? It’s not about that. It’s about living in the space you need. Do you NEED to have all these rooms in your house when you probably spend most of your time in like two of those rooms? I know for me I spend the majority of my time in my bedroom. The bathroom and kitchen are the next most visited. I am almost NEVER in my living room or the front office in my current house but I still have to vacuum them sadly.

While the whole tiny house thing might be too tiny for most people, I firmly believe there are a lot of great ideas that could be adopted from them. Solar panels should be part of standard construction of EVERY home.  Cisterns to handle your own water needs, not only saves on the cost of infrastructure, but it also saves you the owner money on a water bill. The whole composting thing? Well I am fairly sure most folk wouldn’t want to deal with that even twice a year but that’s an opportunity for a whole new business to arise for waste removal instead of tearing up land for sewer lines. Not every one of these ideas might be palatable but looking at the innovations of tiny and eco-friendly homes and adapting them to the mainstream will lead us to a brighter healthier future for our planet.

So in closing… if you’re tired of big corporations taking advantage of you… if you’re tired of being squeezed of every last penny… if you want a healthier and happier life… just take the time to look around and really see what you can do about it. Is it time to replace your old car? Consider investing in an electric car! You can charge it at home for a FRACTION of the cost. Hell you can make running your car FREE! If you have the capital to invest look into installing some solar panels into your home! Some people who have does this get a CHECK from their electric company instead of a bill cause they are feeding power INTO the lines instead of using it. Investigate what it would take to install a cistern and water filtration system into your home. If it’s cost effective for your budget to make these changes you just ELIMINATED some utility bills and car fuel bills forever.

The Jar That Rolled Down The Rocky Hill

When I decided to make this blog I wanted to get a lot out in the open about myself and the way I see things. But I also wanted there to be some record out there, even if only in cyberspace of who I was, how I ended up where I did and maybe give someone reading an opportunity to THINK... not necessarily agree with what I say but to THINK. Today’s blog post is an exposition of sorts, a synopsis of my life and how it led me to where I am. And because I’ve discovered I have way too much to talk about this blog is probably going to be a weekly thing.

My experiences in life were sort of all over the map growing up. Through my early childhood... say up to 3rd grade... everything was fine for the most part. It was a time before most children learned to be cruel so things weren’t really that bad. My differences, interests and imagination only drew the ire of a few at first but up until mid high school I dealt with bullying and harassment with increasing frequency and severity as the years went on. 

At 15 I came out to my mom who was extremely supportive (and always has been) eventually I discovered a gay youth group and found friends like myself. I was empowered and my junior and senior years of high school were amazing because the bully's words lost their sting and I intimidated them with my new found self-confidence. I was moderately handsome... not so much "hot" but “pretty” enough to garner attention now and then. But even as early as 16 I had the dream of finding my soul mate and living happily ever after... but underneath that dream was a fear. I had this instinctive feeling that I had only a short time to find that "happily ever after". Maybe on some subconscious level I knew, as a gay man, that I had an "expiration date". I had to find my soul mate as soon as possible before... before I got old (old being over 30 *shakes head at self*). Sadly I failed to find him... hell I failed to have any relationship last more than a few months... what few there were. 

I was always "good" but never "good enough" it seemed. To be fair I also made my own share of mistakes as well so I can't in good conscience take a stance of "woe is me what did I do wrong?". My first real relationship was my most memorable because I had it all. I had everything I ever wanted... a boyfriend I loved and who I thought loved me... I had a budding DJ career filled with promise... and then, one day, it was all gone. My boyfriend decided he couldn't see himself spending his life with me. I was broken that day, broken in a way that I just didn't know how to fix. 

It wasn't really his fault. He was 19 and unlike me I don’t think he had really given much thought about his future and how a long term relationship fit into it. But I was very lucky. He broke up with me in exactly the best way possible. He was honest, he never cheated and though it hurt me in a way I had never before or since been hurt, it was the best possible way someone could have broken up with me. It took me months to pick myself up from that but I was never the same. I almost had it... almost had my dream and losing it created a "crack" in me that only grew as the years went by. 

Relationships failed or never got off the ground. A few years later a new love broke my heart anew. A career, that seemed ready to shoot for the stars, fizzled and died. I lost friends I thought I would have forever... at the time I thought because of their own shortcomings but with hindsight I see it was more likely my own that drove them away. And with each negative event, romance/career related or not, the cracks grew and I splintered and bits of me started spilling out like sand from a cracked jar. 

In my mind the real world has become this place that I could never measure up to, a place I couldn’t cope with managing. In my head it’s a place filled with people, situations and events all designed to cause me pain. I believe this so much today that going outside or being around many people actually causes me distress. It’s a condition called agoraphobia and it comes complete with a lifetime supply of anxiety and panic attacks. I limit my excursions outside my home as much as possible, once a month or less. I have friends who make a concerted effort to keep in contact with me just to make sure I’m ok. I am fortunate to have a thriving online social network of family and friends who keep me “in the world” so to speak. 

So where am I now? Now I spend each day trying to find whatever distraction I can to keep my mind from wandering to unpleasant places. I find the state of the world affects me greatly, probably more than it should, especially the plight of gay people like myself. I try to laugh as often as I can find reason and I treasure my friends who make it easy to laugh. There are still vestiges of who I was all those years ago when I feel I was at my best. There's kindness left in me, a concern for others and the will to offer a shoulder or advice to them when they need it. There's still some creativity left... in fact if anything of the old me has flourished it's my imagination. It's all I have left really. I retreat into imaginary worlds where things work out for me in a variety of ways that could never happen for me now.

When I think of my life it’s like I've lived on many islands over the years. Periodically the ocean has risen and my island would shrink slowly but surely. Eventually my island would be gone and I'd be left floundering in the water just trying to stay afloat. Fortunately I have always managed to swim to a new island... though the new island would always be smaller, have less, be less than the one before. And this cycle of flooding and swimming to a new island would keep continuing throughout my life. My most pressing fear these days is that I'll run out of islands... or the will to make it to the next. I've accepted that I am never going to have my dream... but I am thankful for the things I do have. My mom, my family, my friends, my home.

So now that the condensed version of my life story is out there for the world to see I want to explain why I posted this. I'm not looking for pity. The last thing I want is to make anyone sad. My greatest pleasure these days comes from making others laugh. But I did want those who know me to understand why I've changed from the person they remember and I want those who don't know me to have a sense of the person who is writing this blog. I promised this blog would be a mix of serious and silly and next week I'll keep that promise with a more light-hearted post.

The First Step

Blogging seems to be the way of things these days. I must admit to feeling a bit like a relic in today's culture, but I also feel like I have much to say and this is as good a venue as any to speak my mind! For those of you that don't know me I'm Nic and I'm a person just like you! That's right! A real life human being! And that is what I want my first blog post to be about.

Human.

It's a word I think many of us forget the meaning of today. Despite all the differences we have between us whether it be ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, location, we are all human when it comes down to it. Like pretty much everyone else I've had my share of ups and downs in life. My particular share of downs has left me somewhat... broken... yea that's the word I think fits best. I wouldn't be surprised if others feel the same way. While not all of what makes me "broken" comes from this, some of it indeed came from being treated as something less than human. Every day I read the news and see more people treating others like obstacles rather than human beings and it scares me! When we stop looking at our fellow people as human beings just like us we stop caring about them and our world becomes smaller, more bitter and savage. We begin to lose the very things that make us human and only see the world in the eyes of "what's in it for me", "as long as I get what I want I don't care who suffers" and ultimately "my pleasure comes from causing suffering to others and that's fine with me".

What I'd like to see is a world where we all stop and take a look at that neighbor, those kids walking down the street and the people driving by and really remember that those are our fellow human beings. Those are people with hopes, dreams, loves, and fears. Those are people who you might not like or agree with but aren't as different from you in many of the ways that matter. I'd like to see a world where religions aren't pouring millions of dollars and man hours into making sure other people can't get married but instead spend that money and time helping the homeless, feeding the hungry and generally working to make life better for everyone. I'd like to see big corporations like the insurance and pharmaceutical industries having goals OTHER than just making as much money as possible. Like maybe making sure much needed medical care and medication was available to every person everywhere no matter what.

If you can't tell I'm a dreamer... an idealist. Part of own personal "crazy" stems from the fact that I can close my eyes... and I can see just how good the world can be. But when I open my eyes I am trapped in this nightmare of greed, apathy, insensitivity, hypocrisy and selfishness. When one group fights against abortion but in the same breath make every effort to push that child to suicide with their hate if they have the audacity to be born differently I die a little inside. I see people forgetting that those are human beings out there. They aren't just "Voters", "Taxpayers", "Consumers", "Republicans", "Democrats", "Blacks", "Whites", "Christians", "Jews", "Gays" or "Straights".... they are "Humans" just like you and me.

For anyone reading this... please try to remember that everyone around is a human being just like you in most ways that truly matter. You don't have to like them or agree with them but please don't make efforts to hurt them or make their lives miserable.

I'm hoping to make this blog a monthly thing and talk about a variety of subjects both serious and silly. If you'd like to hang out "on the edge" of my sanity feel free to stop by and read!